My moms husband is a complete as.shole.what to do?
TUBBY asked:
First of all, I’m 24, so I’m not just an angry teenager. Second, let me explain a little of the story to you. My mom divorced my dad when I was 20 b/c she was “bored”. So she met “Gary” on the internet and after 2 weeks, moved him in with her and within 6 months they were married. My mom is fairly well-to-do, she owns a bridal business so she does quite well. Gary moved in with her with nothing but the shirt on his back. They have been married for 1 year now and she has bought him a new car, a hottub, tools, clothes….you name it. My problem with Gary is he drinks all the time, he puts her down constantly, and he spends her money like she is a bank. My mother and I have recently invested in a property and we are building a wedding chapel. Gary thought he would help and lead the construction on the building. The original budget was $30K, but he has spend $75K of my mothers money. And when he runs out of booze, he becomes a complete as.s!! How do I tell her that I HATE him!?
Not to mention my mother is always putting my husband down, calling him lazy and whatnot, when her husband is a drunk as.shole!!
First of all, I’m 24, so I’m not just an angry teenager. Second, let me explain a little of the story to you. My mom divorced my dad when I was 20 b/c she was “bored”. So she met “Gary” on the internet and after 2 weeks, moved him in with her and within 6 months they were married. My mom is fairly well-to-do, she owns a bridal business so she does quite well. Gary moved in with her with nothing but the shirt on his back. They have been married for 1 year now and she has bought him a new car, a hottub, tools, clothes….you name it. My problem with Gary is he drinks all the time, he puts her down constantly, and he spends her money like she is a bank. My mother and I have recently invested in a property and we are building a wedding chapel. Gary thought he would help and lead the construction on the building. The original budget was $30K, but he has spend $75K of my mothers money. And when he runs out of booze, he becomes a complete as.s!! How do I tell her that I HATE him!?
Not to mention my mother is always putting my husband down, calling him lazy and whatnot, when her husband is a drunk as.shole!!
Sorry but it’s none of your business. It’s your Mom’s problem. You have your life and she has hers. You wouldn’t want her butting in on yours and she won’t like it if you try to do it to her. If he’s really an a-hole, she’ll figure it out and drop him like a bad habit.
Your mom’s husband.
Your mom’s money.
Your mom’s business.
Your mom’s life.
Go ahead and tell her what you think, and that you hate him.
But she is in control of her own life.
If she loves him and doesn’t mind the way he acts and the things he does, then there isn’t much you can do, is there?
your mother knows all about the choice she made, because she lives with her husband every, single day.
she is likely aware that you dont’ like him, but does that matter in the scheme of things?
your mother isn’t going to divorce him because you dont like him.
leave well enough alone. when she gets sick of him, she’ll dump him. she’s old enough to make her own decisions, i think.
take care of YOU. it’s the best thing you can do.
Sit down with her and tell her you are old enough you need to tell her before you explode on her husband.
firstly, mothers never like to listen to what they dont want to hear. based on what you have said, she may know she is in a bad situation, but if she is anything like my mom, she hates to be wrong. she will stick by her guns until the world crumbles.
what i would do is invite her out for lunch or dinner, and make it known in advance that you have something youd like to discuss. she will do one of two things, she will show up ready to hear what you want to discuss, or she will refuse letting you know that she doesnt want to hear what you have to say.
hopefully she will be open minded. let her know that you are concerned, tell her that you dont think this is a healthy relationship and lay all the cards on the table, do not let her interupt you. the idea is to overwhelm her with all the things you are concerned about so maybe she will realize for herself that, yes i am in a bad situation and im being taken advantage of.
there are no doubts that this is a touchy subject and it may take a long time, there may be tears and possibly shouting. just try to keep your cool and make this about HER. dont make it a personal vendetta against her dead-beat husband, make it a personal concern for her health and wellness.
and most of all, GOOD LUCK. you are a brave woman and you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to stand up to your mother.