Do you think I went too far with this? Should I have just let it slide?
Da Vinci Herself asked:
Well we were in the car driving to the city when a police woman was guiding a bus outside of a toll booth. My grandmother looked at her and went, ” *tsk.* Why is she out in the sun like that? She shouldn’t be doing a job like that! It’s hot, and they should have a man out there.”
Well we were in the car driving to the city when a police woman was guiding a bus outside of a toll booth. My grandmother looked at her and went, ” *tsk.* Why is she out in the sun like that? She shouldn’t be doing a job like that! It’s hot, and they should have a man out there.”
So usually I just let those comments slide. She’s old, she doesn’t really know any better and she’s been taught to think this way. I just don’t know what clicked in me, but for some reason I felt like I had to respond. As we were driving past the toll booth, I said:
“You know what I really hate Grandma? Female construction workers. It’s like, who do they think they are? Don’t the know that men usually do jobs like those? It’s more dangerous for women to be handling power tools and helping build houses — they’re not built for jobs like that.”
My grandma looked pretty offended, and then I felt extremely guilty. Did I take it too far? Was it too offensive?
What could I have said that would have been more appropriate?
such disrespect for your elders is disgusting. to speak so rudely and sarcastically to your own grandmother, shows that you need to learn your place. you spoiled brat.
Are you planning specifically to go through life analyzing and debating what people say as well as yourself. Is it really that important and do you feel that people should be correct a great percentage of the time. What if you read the book ( Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff) and then get on with your life.
Well, what’s done is done–there’s nothing you CAN say. I think you just screwed yourself outta the will.
I think you made a good point actually, if she looked offended it’s probably because the reality of her own narrow-mindedness hit home.
Okay, you were pretty rude to your grandmother, but i understand why this upset you.
You could have said “grandma, maybe she likes her job. maybe she gets satisfaction out of helping the city”
Lots of people who make comments like that assume women dislike work, and that’s not really true. there are all kinds of angles on this, but i would have taken a more “educational” tone and less of a “are you*t crazy grandma” tone.
though i whipped one out on my mother when she said said she supported sarah palin. we should be nicer to our relatives
What your grandmother said wasn’t very polite, but I think you may have gone a tad too far. You shouldn’t feel guilty— everyone makes mistakes, but you can’t take back what you said. Just make a quick apology to your grandmother and don’t make a big deal out of it. Say, “Sorry, Grandma, for what I said the other day. I didn’t mean to offend you in any way.”
Don’t give her an hour- long apology… it’s not like you said anything horrible! If she still seems offended, give her some time to accept your apology. Some people are more sensitive than others.
Most of life should be understanding (not sympathy necessarily, more like comprehension). I have been struggling for years with this (I am very argumentative, confrontational, aggressive) but I try to ask more questions. To immediately respond to someone’s action, behavior, words, their reaction…is ignorant (not the negative criticism of a person but the real meaning of the word: to not know). Once I ask questions, gather more information I can often give valuable input, but sometimes there is nothing to say worth saying. Even married couples, married for decades don’t know everything about their spouse. To really know someone is a journey not a destination. We change, life is dynamic and so are people. It’s like everyone has on a different pair of sunglasses. The lenses are our life’s experiences, which is why everyone sees (views, considers, comprehends) things differently.
In your situation you could have asked more questions. Given she is your grandmother she grew up in a different era…one you will never understand (I’m not trying to be condescending just truthful) and I will never understand. So her opinion, her experiences, her view of life (her sunglasses) show a different opinion about the same situation that you saw (with the police woman). When you get old (and I gather that you are probably in your 20’s, just a guess…see I could be wrong too
then you will through your experiences view things differently than your children or younger generations. It’s really kind of cool, I think. And maybe with all your questioning, really wanting to know, not just superficially asking so you can slam her opinion (which I used to do 
You might find a really interesting person in your grandmother and though you may not agree with her opinion, you might see things in a different way, through different sunglasses…and your life maybe enhanced as a result.
You probably could’ve been nicer, but I can’t necessarily blame you. Why should it be a man who gets stuck out in the sun? Are we really supposed to be the ones who do all the rough and dirty work and standing out in the hot sun?
I’m assuming from the way you wrote this you snapped it off pretty fast. I would probably apologize for the way you said it if that was the case, but not really what you said. She does come from a different era where men were the ones expected to do a lot of the bad work like this but you shouldn’t apologize for holding your own views. I wouldn’t really agree with snapping at her again if that’s really what you did though.
My grandmother is 87 years old, never worked a day in her life. She went straight from home with her family to married. It is just the way they were raised back then. Women stayed home, had babies, kept house and took care of their man.
My grandmother has made similar comments. I have found there is nothing appropriate to use as a response so I say nothing.
Your grandmother’s attitude towards men is offensive; she should know that chicks should be doing all the work.
you should have taken it futher.I don’t give a sh*t if she has been taught this way, she has her own mind and she chose her words. I would have offended her worst.